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Lesson 12 of 12 · 6 min · +100 XP

How do you help a friend who is struggling or depressed?

If a friend seems depressed or posts something worrying, take it seriously and message them privately: ask how they really are and listen without judging. If they hint that they don't want to be here, don't keep it secret. Tell a trusted adult straight away and help them reach a helpline. If someone is in immediate danger, call emergency services.

▶ Try it

Why it matters

One message can change someone's day, and sometimes the brave thing is to bring in help. You practise taking a friend's worrying post seriously, checking in privately and involving adults when someone may be in danger.

In 6 minutes you'll be able to

  • Take serious posts seriously and check in privately.
  • If someone could be in danger, involve an adult or a helpline. In an emergency, call emergency services.
  • There's support for you too: free, confidential helplines, day and night.

What you'll practise

  1. Late at night

    It's nearly midnight. You're still scrolling through your friends' stories.

    Stories · 5 minutes ago

    • Hannah: [Story: black screen] so tired of everything. you wouldn't even notice if i wasn't here anymore.
    • Josh: lol drama queen 🙄
    • Hannah deleted the story after two minutes.

    1. Hannah's story sounds different from usual. What do you do?

      • It's probably just a saying. Keep scrolling.
        Almost. You're tired, that's understandable. But words like that can be a cry for help. Better to check in once too often than once too little.
      • Like Josh's comment with 😂
        Almost. Hannah would see that someone else is laughing about it too, and she might feel even more alone.
      • Screenshot it and send it to the group: "What's up with Hannah?"
        Almost. It's well meant, but it turns Hannah into gossip. Right now she needs trust, not an audience.
      • Message Hannah privately (Answer)
        Strong. A private message says: I see you.

    2. Chat with Hannah

      You message Hannah privately. What do you write?

      • "Ah, it'll be fine. Sleep on it."
        Almost. It sounds kind, but Hannah might feel brushed off. Show her you're listening.
      • "Saw your story. How are you really? I'm here." (Answer)
        Exactly right. You take her seriously without judging.
        • You: hey, saw your story. how are you really? i'm here and i'm listening.
        • Hannah: honestly not good. stuff at home, school, everything's just too much right now.
        • Hannah: sometimes i think it'd be easier if i wasn't here.
      • "Other people have it way worse than you."
        Almost. Comparisons don't make feelings smaller. Hannah might think her worries don't matter.

    3. Hannah is hinting that she doesn't want to be here anymore. This is too big for you alone. What do you do?

      • Promise not to tell anyone
        Almost. This is a promise you shouldn't make. If someone could be in danger, getting help matters more than a secret.
      • Tell Hannah you're worried and bring in an adult straight away (Answer)
        That's real loyalty. If she's in immediate danger, call emergency services straight away: 911 in the US, 999 in the UK.
        • You: i really care about you and i'm worried. i'm going to tell my mum so we can help you. and you can call or text a helpline any time, it's free.
      • Contact a helpline with Hannah, and see the school counsellor together tomorrow (Answer)
        Strong. And if you sense she's in immediate danger, tell an adult straight away or call emergency services.
        • You: let's contact a helpline together right now. and tomorrow we'll go and see ms reid together. i'm not leaving you on your own.
    • Hannah: okay… thanks for not just scrolling past.
    • The next day, Hannah talks to the school counsellor. Not everything is okay yet, but she's not alone anymore.

  2. A positive voice every day

    Choose all the ways you can be a positive voice online.

    • Messaging a friend after a bad mark: "You've got this, I'll revise with you."
    • Checking a fake news post first, then sharing a reliable source
    • Supporting someone privately after a nasty comment
    • Forwarding a screenshot of an argument "so everyone knows"
    • Messaging a friend who's been quiet for days: "You okay?"
    • Posting funny comments under a sad post to lighten the mood

  3. What you can do

    You don't have to be a professional to help. You just have to respond.

    💬 Check in
    Privately, honestly, without judging: "I was worried about you. How are you doing?"
    🤝 Involve adults
    If someone could be in danger, telling an adult isn't snitching, it's loyalty. In an emergency, call 911 (US) or 999 (UK).
    📞 Help is there
    Free, confidential helplines are listed below. You can contact them for a friend, or for yourself.
    🫶 Look after yourself too
    Supporting others is tiring. Talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling as well.

Remember

If a friend could be in danger, telling an adult is loyalty, not snitching.

Key facts

  • Asking someone directly whether they are thinking about suicide does not put the idea in their head. Evidence suggests asking could protect them, because it shows they can talk. · Source: Samaritans, Myths about suicide
  • People who say they want to end their lives should always be taken seriously. That includes posts that sound like a joke or get deleted quickly. · Source: Samaritans, Myths about suicide
  • In the US, anyone can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day. It launched nationwide on 16 July 2022, and you can contact it if you're worried about someone else. · Source: SAMHSA (US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), 988 Lifeline
  • In the UK, Samaritans can be called free on 116 123, any time, day or night, including from mobiles. · Source: Samaritans, Contact a Samaritan

Updated:

Questions people ask

What should I do if my friend posts about not wanting to be here?

Take it seriously and message them privately to ask how they really are. Then tell a trusted adult straight away, even if your friend asks you to keep it secret. If they might be in immediate danger, call emergency services.

Is it okay to ask a friend if they are thinking about suicide?

Yes. Asking directly and calmly does not put the idea in their head, and it can help them open up. Listen without judging and help them reach an adult or a helpline.

Should I keep it secret if a friend tells me they want to hurt themselves?

No. When someone may be in danger, getting help matters more than a secret. Telling a trusted adult is a way of caring for your friend, not betraying them.

How can I support a friend who is going through a hard time?

Check in often, listen more than you talk, and avoid comparing their problems with anyone else's. Help them find an adult or a helpline, and look after yourself too.

Related terms